Airlines Are Trying to Cut Boarding Times on Planes, Doing It Shittily  ⚐

"Airlines have been boarding passengers since the first commercial flight, but as they have added new classes of seating to their cabins and new fees for priority boarding — all in the name of more revenue — they have slowed down the whole process.

Checked-baggage fees have only added to the problem, because travelers now take more roll-ons onboard, blocking the aisles as they try to cram their belongings into any available space."

I took two flights yesterday (and will take two more on Thursday), and I spent most of my boarding time thinking about ways to make it better. The easiest way? Someone (flight attentdant?) should be roaming around bitching at people for doing stupid things (shoving a giant bag into the overhead and taking up the entire thing, sticking all of your belongings in the overhead before anyone else has a chance to even get on the plane, being a general douche).

The simplest fixes I've thought of:

• If you can't put something in the overhead due to its size, weight, or your physical condition, then you should check it. No exceptions.
• You get to put one item in the overhead until the doors are shut and everyone is seated. If you put your jacket or your purse up there, you better hope your carry-on fits under the seat. One item.
• In an economy-boosting measure, all carry-ons that are going in the overheads get tagged when you get to the ticket kiosk. At the gate, you put them in a pile. A team of baggage handlers takes those bags and plays Tetris with the baggage, trying to get your bag near your seat, and fitting as much in the overheads before anyone even sets foot on the plane.

I kinda like the last one the best. These guys (maybe two or three folks?) are working while the plane is getting setup. On a big flight, there's a couple of hundred bags going in the overhead. They throw all the bags on a hand truck, take it down the jetway, and start maneuvering. Assuming that you can reduce the amount of time it takes to board a plane, and that airlines can therefore get a few more planes out a day, there's no profit loss. You're getting more efficient, hiring thousands of new people across the country, and making the flying process might more relaxing for most passengers.

Sure, there are some exceptions. If all the bags won't fit, they will gate-check your bag for you, and give you your tag as you board the plane. If you're late, and you missed the pre-loading, they will gate-check your bag for you.

I'm sure there's some reason it won't work. But for now, this is the best plan I've got. And it's better than just charging more.

(Via The Brooks Review.)